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07-Jan-2020 04:52

The whole point of dating is to figure out what you eventually want in a spouse.

Now, if dating means consistent weekly contact for two months or more, coupled with long conversations about how much you are attracted to each other and some form of “making out,” then dating more than one person may start to feel like a betrayal.

In fact a number of women have said to me that they’re afraid of wasting time, while at the same time feeling that time is running out, so they’re trying to effectively compact, for example, what would be a years worth of dating for another person, into a couple of months. It may feel like you’re auditioning them for what you feel is the big job of being ‘The One’ but you and they are people with feelings, libidos, imaginations, and love habits that may be counterproductive to you actually getting the relationship you want – adding several people to the mix just makes it messy.

But equally, keeping your options open is about being non-commital and this is the mainstay of being emotionally unavailable and creating limited experiences that keep you ‘safe’ in a self-fulfilling prophecy bubble. Feeling like you have choices may convince you that you have more choices than you have and trap you indecision!

Who said you have to go straight to a relationship? A couple of weeks ago I wrote about why dating is a discovery phase for fact finding.

I don’t want to get into a relationship too quickly?

Now, if dating means consistent weekly contact for two months or more, coupled with long conversations about how much you are attracted to each other and some form of “making out,” then dating more than one person may start to feel like a betrayal.

In fact a number of women have said to me that they’re afraid of wasting time, while at the same time feeling that time is running out, so they’re trying to effectively compact, for example, what would be a years worth of dating for another person, into a couple of months. It may feel like you’re auditioning them for what you feel is the big job of being ‘The One’ but you and they are people with feelings, libidos, imaginations, and love habits that may be counterproductive to you actually getting the relationship you want – adding several people to the mix just makes it messy.

But equally, keeping your options open is about being non-commital and this is the mainstay of being emotionally unavailable and creating limited experiences that keep you ‘safe’ in a self-fulfilling prophecy bubble. Feeling like you have choices may convince you that you have more choices than you have and trap you indecision!

Who said you have to go straight to a relationship? A couple of weeks ago I wrote about why dating is a discovery phase for fact finding.

I don’t want to get into a relationship too quickly?

Question: Is it OK to date more than one person at a time?